this time it’s different
AVERDONIA’s journey deepens as they spiral through a battle of avoidance and anxiety, trapped in an echo chamber of their own thoughts. Questioning their past, their creator, and V, they confront the weight of love, generational trauma, and existential despair.
As they uncover memories of their creator’s human past, obsessing over it and their current state as a cyborg, they realize they were born into circumstances beyond their control.
Themes of self-destruction emerge as they struggle with their identity, seeing their own reflection in the lyric “worst I’ve ever seen/been” — a mirror of their creator’s pain and their own disillusionment with life.
storyline
PERSONAL WRITEUP
I feel a lot of resentment.
It’s tough to put into exact words — but in situations beyond my control, I often felt a lingering sense of hopelessness in my daily routine. As I struggled through it, acceptance never came easily; when I sat with it, it became more intense, which I absolutely detested. I wanted to fight against the things I couldn’t change. I kept asking myself why happiness seemed to come so easily to others while I struggled. Growing up in a traumatic environment made it even harder. Feeling all that anger and grief without much pause — that was what I had to do, and so I did. That’s how ‘GLITCH’ was born.
There was a point when the burnout escalated to the point where I developed rashes — the same ones I experienced after breaking things off with my toxic ex — forcing me to stop working and rest. Afterward, I fell into a cycle of low moods and depression, which I suspect was deeply tied to the grief I was processing. It became incredibly difficult to feel like myself. Depression and grief have a way of clouding one's true personality, and I felt weighed down by the overwhelming burdens I was carrying. This track tries to let go of that anger.
PRAYER
storyline
After the events of AMNESIA - encountering the mysterious masked V - the cyborg AVERDONIA feels an overwhelming urge to tear everything apart, remembering the disappointment they felt as a human.
For the first time, they experience overwhelming negative emotions, becoming less cyborg. Eventually, they find themselves realizing that V isn't another person but a part of them — a reflection of their desire for love and warmth, something they can't receive from anyone else.
This self-awareness drives Averdonia to the brink of self-destruction. They struggle to fully accept themselves, their past and the inherited trauma that haunts them.
PERSONAL WRITEUP
I often find myself praying when things get difficult, even though I don’t subscribe to any particular religion. PRAYER delves into the regrets I’ve had in past relationships — times when I mistakenly believed a toxic partner was my everything, only to realize I had become just as toxic in the process. Those experiences made me question my own sanity, sending me spiraling over even the smallest mistakes.
The emotions tied to trauma and grief are vast. It amazes me how deeply humans can feel, yet I spent so much of my youth detached from myself. I think the reason was simple: I didn’t want to face the truth. No one likes to suffer. If given the choice, most of us would skip grief entirely.
Ironically, facing our emotions and accepting reality is what allows us to grow — what makes us more resilient, better equipped to break free from destructive patterns that prolong suffering. Growing up in Singapore, I’ve seen how often people push their emotions aside. Whether it's to avoid distractions from work or because they see feelings as unimportant, emotional suppression is common. But to truly be human — to be connected with ourselves — we have to embrace it all. The highs of happiness and the so-called ‘unholy’ depths of pain. We have to let ourselves feel everything, so those emotions can finally pass — before they end up suffocating us.
AMNESIA
Averdonia is a cyborg created by an unstable scientist who committed suicide shortly after completing their creation.
Averdonia embarks on a journey to discover their humanity and the key to unlocking their emotions. They wander the Earth encountering various situations and environments, feeling disconnected from humanity until they meet a mysterious individual who wears a bandaged mask.
Despite the stranger's concealed and unfinished appearance, Averdonia is drawn to him, and they form a deep connection…
Averdonia begins to experience emotions, ultimately prompting them to a quest for purpose and humanity.
However, they must confront the unresolved trauma of their creator's disappearance and navigate the complexities of their newfound emotions as they strive to understand what it truly means to be human.
STORYLINE
I found myself through the creation of AMNESIA.
Originally, AMNESIA’s meaning came from a place of subconscious codependency.
When I first started producing it back in 2023, I was in an on-and-off relationship that kept me on edge and nearly drove me to multiple suicide attempts throughout the span of 3 years.
However, when I returned to AMNESIA last year in 2024, its meaning transformed along with my own journey.
As I focused intensely on improving my mental health and life out of that relationship, it went from wanting to protect someone else I loved dearly, to becoming a song of deep grief as I felt like a part of my life was lost when circumstances changed.
AMNESIA, from its initial vile state from a terribly troubled relationship, turned into a blessing that helped me recognize my own worth and led me to living a purposeful love that transcends everything. It made me realize that there are invisible threads connecting us to certain people that we will never forget through our lives on Earth. I will be forever grateful for this.